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<title>I Want Everything To Change And Stay The Same by Lobotomite</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30012876">I Want Everything To Change And Stay The Same</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lobotomite/pseuds/Lobotomite'>Lobotomite</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>9-1-1 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Chim's gonna be a great dad, F/M, Gen, he just needs a bit of reassurance to believe it, so canon compliant up to the end of season 3, written before Season 4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 21:29:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>960</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30012876</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lobotomite/pseuds/Lobotomite</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“We’re having a baby girl,” he breathes, unsure if he or Maddie is squeezing harder where their fingers are tangled together.</p><p>“We’re having a baby girl,” Maddie confirms, turning to him with a smile like the sun and eyes glittering in a mirror of the overwhelmed tears gathering in his own eyes, and- and oh god, they’re having a baby girl. His stomach flips, and abruptly the beaming smile on his face hardens into a rictus grin he fights to keep natural.</p><p>He’s going to be responsible for the wellbeing of a tiny little person.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Howie "Chimney" Han &amp; Henrietta "Hen" Wilson, Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I Want Everything To Change And Stay The Same</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p></p><div class="">
  <p></p>
  <div class="">
    <p>A grey blob undulates on screen, and Chimney’s heart skips a beat.</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>“I think what we’re looking at is a healthy little girl,” the technician announces, squinting at the screen and smiling.</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>“We’re having a baby girl,” he breathes, unsure if he or Maddie is squeezing harder where their fingers are tangled together.</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>“We’re having a baby girl,” Maddie confirms, turning to him with a smile like the sun and eyes glittering in a mirror of the overwhelmed tears gathering in his own eyes, and- and oh god, <em>they’re having a baby girl</em>. His stomach flips, and abruptly the beaming smile on his face hardens into a rictus grin he fights to keep natural.</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>He’s going to be responsible for the wellbeing of a tiny little person.</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>It’s not news, exactly, but theoretical parenthood and the first blurry, staticky sight of his actual baby daughter are two experiences that are worlds apart. <em>This is actually happening.</em></p>
  </div>
</div><div class="">
  <p>The rest of the appointment passes in a blur - he hears that the pregnancy is progressing well and his brain stops working. If it wasn’t for Maddie’s hand in his, he’s not sure he even would have managed to get out of the building. Guilt fights with adoration in his chest at the way Maddie is quietly radiating quiet contentedness beside him - that’s what he should be feeling right now.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I’m gonna call Hen,” he says as soon as they get through the door, thankful that calling Hen with constant pregnancy updates is nothing out of the ordinary at this point — Maddie just rolls her eyes indulgently and waves him off. She’s going to be updating Buck anyway, no doubt. He bounces his phone nervously from hand to hand for a few seconds, waiting until he’s sure Maddie won’t overhear and then jabbing at his phone to bring up Hen’s number. He spends the time waiting for Hen to pick up trying to rationalise away the guilt at keeping his building panic from Maddie, but thankfully doesn’t have enough time to spin himself into anxious spirals before the phone clicks and Hen starts saying hello.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“It’s a girl,” he blurts before she can get a full word out, squirming at the sound of Hen sucking in a delighted breath.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Oh, Chim, congratulations!</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Yeah, appointment went great, saw her with my own eyes, she’s great, she’s healthy. She’s perfect.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“And you’re freaking out,” Hen says knowingly.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I am not <em>freaking out</em>,” he protests, giving himself away with the tremor in his voice. “I’m just-”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“You’re just freaking out,” Hen cuts in. “Don’t try and lie to me, Chim, I know that voice.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Okay, okay, you’re right, I’m kind of freaking out,” he admits. “I thought I’d gotten over all of that, you know, when we first found out, but I… she’s real, Hen! I saw her! And this should be a good thing, right, I mean, she’s healthy, she’s fine and Maddie’s fine, I should be happy and instead I’m just- Hen, what if I can’t be a good dad?” He bites his lip, eyes prickling with tears. “There’s no starting over when I fuck up, and I can’t- I can’t not do it, and I don’t want to not do it, I can’t wait to meet her and get to know her but-”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Deep breaths, Chim,” Hen says gently, putting the breaks on his building panic attack. He obediently breathes in deep, holding and counting and letting out in controlled exhales. “Better?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Yeah. Yeah, sorry.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Don’t be sorry,” Hen says. “Trust me, Chim, I get it. Parenthood has been the most worthwhile thing I’ve ever done, but I’m not gonna lie, it was also probably the scariest thing I’ve ever done. Hell, it still is, sometimes. And yeah, you’re gonna fuck up sometimes. There isn’t a parent on Earth who <em>hasn’t</em> fucked up, like, a <em>lot</em>. But I know you, and I know you’re always gonna be there, especially when it matters. You are going to be a <em>fantastic</em> father, okay? You’ve got this, Chim. Let yourself be excited.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“You know, when you say it, I kind of actually believe you,” he huffs, already relaxing despite himself.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Of course you do,” Hen says, sounding smug. “You know I’m always right.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Not always right,” he snorts. “But- I think you might be this time. Thank you for not letting my, uh, minor freakout turn into a real one.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Anytime, Chim. Now go on, go be sappy with your girlfriend like I know you want to.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Talk to you later?” He asks guiltily.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Talk to you later,” Hen confirms with a laugh, hanging up and leaving him free to make his way to the living room, where Maddie is curled up on the couch.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“You feeling better?” she asks when he drops down next to her, cuddling into his side and smoothing a hand through his hair.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Better?” he questions, attempt at feigning ignorance unsuccessful in the face of her affectionate, knowing look. “I… yeah, I’m feeling better. I’m sorry for not talking about it, I didn’t want to ruin the mood and it’s not that I’m not excited, I swear, I just-”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“It’s fine, Chim,” Maddie says, tilting her head to bump gently against his shoulder. “Freak outs are part of being a parent, I think. I’m sure we have a lot of them to look forward to, and I’m glad you have Hen to talk to.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I love you,” he says reverently, pressing his face into her hair and breathing in her comforting scent. “You and our little girl, I love you both so much.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Me too, Howie,” she murmurs, settled so perfectly into his side, and he might be terrified and unprepared but more than anything, he can’t believe he got so lucky.</p>
</div>
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